How To Become an Evil Guy: Naraku 101
by Autumn Dragon
Summary: Want someone to fear you? Bow down to you? Are you bored in your peaceful community & just want to destroy it? Do you crave the ultimate power? If you have had any or all of these thoughts, then you should read this 10step guide & become like me: Naraku!


**A/N:** This is what being stuck in a house with no chocolate does to you.

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You want others to bow down to you? To fear you? To wish they could kill you, but they just can't? Then follow this step-by-step guide on becoming an evil mastermind just like me, the great Naraku (aka **_NARAKU?!?!?!?!?!?!#$?!?asdfghjkl;WTF_**)

Step #1: Choosing a Title

First off, to become an evil mastermind like me, you _must_ have a cool name. You must choose a name that will forever be etched within the minds of the people who fear you! The name they cry out at night! The name they are scared to speak of! The name that haunts their very dreams!  
So don't choose a stupid name like Inky the Squid or anything long that people will soon forget later or stutter while saying your name. Keep it short, simple, and catchy!

**Tips:** Use some words like death, dark, master, lord, etc. in your name. It'll add the effect of fear when someone whispers it into the darkness!

(If you're wondering _why_ I don't have some of the words like death, dark, master, lord, etc. in my name is because… ummm… because… I-I… I DON'T NEED ONE! I'm already as scary as it is! Haha, yes. Very good.)

Step #2: The Minions

Okay, let's get straight to the point. A bad guy is a scary man. A scary man has bad apprentices. Bad apprentices are scary people. See how it works out? You need—no… YOU MUST have _some_ accomplices at least.

**EXAMPLE:** Take away some girl (who has amazing powers) and tear out her heart and hide it someplace where she can never, ever, ever, ever, EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR find it. Like under a rock or something.

Oh yeah, make sure they're not too smart to outsmart you or too dumb that they don't know right from left.

Step #3: You and Your EVIL Powers

Here is where the fun begins! If you want to become a mastermind of evil, but you don't have any powers… well, let me put it this way…

You're pathetic.

You _have_ to have some sort of evil sources otherwise you will never succeed in the world of EVIL. Let me tell you, the occupation of evil is not for you.

But if you _do_, then that's a whole different story. You must use your godly powers to defy all those who disobey you! You must use them for bad, not good! Steal food, steal children, steal women, destroy villages, eat people, etc; I can go on forever baby.

Step #4: Arch Enemies

A bad guy always has an enemy or enemies. No matter where you go or what you do, you have to have someone trying to thwart your evil plans, otherwise what is the point of doing evil stuff when there isn't someone trying to stop you?

You have to have one, because how would someone know if you were a good, loveable guy or an evil, get-out-of-my-face kind of guy?

Exactly.

But if you're too good of an evil guy and you killed all the people that want to antagonize you, then you should what I do… CRAVE FOR THE ABSOLUTE POWER!

You see, I got bored of my ever so boring community and then I came across a pair of star-crossed lovers. So, of course… I ruined them! And the man not only hates my guts for killing his little kinky hoe but he's also after the shiny jewel that I have in my possession. (Hey, I couldn't help it… it was so shiny!)

So, whenever I get bored, either me or I have one of my accomplices go and bug the shit out of him.

**Tip:** Make sure your enemy is weaker and stupider than you! Otherwise, it'd be real _embarrassing_ if you ended up scattered in little bits and pieces all over the field where you and your enemy were fighting.

Step #5: Evil Character

Your character must radiate the evil in you; "evilness". To achieve that, you must be:

-EVIL  
-**evil**  
-EViL  
-_eViL_  
-**_E-VEIL_**  
-Heartless (in my case, it's literal)  
-Cold  
-Terrifying  
-etc… yada yada yada, blah blah blah

You get my point, right? You must practice to master the skill of EVILNESS! Unless you're a natural like me. Muhahahaha. By the way, you must act stern and rude and evil AT ALL TIMES. _Never_ keep your guard down!

Also, an evil grin is to be established. Like a smirk or something. (Make sure it says, "I'm evil. Fear me!")

Step #6: Relationships

Okay, I only have one thing to say… You know that chick that took care of you and devoted almost every spare minute of her free time just to make sure you were okay? Yeah… well… she doesn't dig you. Yeah, just get over it. Kill her if you have to.

Show her who is the evil one.

**Warning:** If you end up killing that chick and she comes back to life by some psycho witch, and she ends up stalking you… it's not cause she wants you… she just wants you dead. Yeah, don't be mistaken.

**Tip:** Don't get attached. They'll never go away.

Step #7: Evil Mark

Haha, yes! The very thing that every living soul is deeply afraid of. As a bad guy, you must have some sort of symbol for people to recognize. Choose something threatening.

**Tip:** Make sure your symbol isn't something stupid or silly or _nice_. Like a freakin' pony or a pretty, pretty bumble bee.

Step #8: HAHAHA! There is no step #8 or 9 or 10! I fooled you! I said there would be ten, but there are only seven! I'm so evil! Muahahahahaha!

Step #9: Fools. You have been… fooled! Again! Oh god, I'm evil.

Step #10: Oh word, I already told you that there is no number ten, yet you insist there is! Pathetic.

There it is, my evil followers! My guide on how to become evil! Now, go on… drop this book and go find some mischief.

**DISCLAIMER:** If you try becoming a really evil dude and you fail then the guide has absolutely no responsibility for your failure. It was your mistake that caused it.

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**A/N:** The End. Reviews would be nice.


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